Just So You Know

Let me start this by saying if at any time you read a message that compels you to a response, by all means... feel free to continue the learning. You DO NOT have to leave your real name or any name for that matter. When you click "post a comment" or however it reads, you have 3 options. Once on the actual comments page, you'll see prior replies as well. Then there's the 'leave a comment' field. Under that are CAPTCHA and 'choose an identity' (name) options. CAPTCHA is designed to slam SPAM as well as let me know a human is posting vs. a computer generated response. Again, I do not consume beef nor pork so SPAM is not welcomed. Even a photograph of it bothers me. Ok, not really but you get my point and hence you will see the moderation message when you've finalized your post. The identity/name options are as follows:

1) Log-in using (drop down menu for those registered with those services)

2) Nickname and URL - allows you to choose any name and/or link your site to it

3) Anonymous (you can use it but I still have the right to decide if it gets published publicly or not - GOOD FOR ME - YAY!!)

So there ya go. Send me $49.99 if you use these instructions in your own BlogSpot. Cash, cashier's check, money order and Western Union accepted 24/7. :D

Wednesday, March 4, 2009

Heavenly Birthday Wishes To My Birth Mother & My Older Sister

I'm sending Birthday Wishes, March 2, upwards to My Mom who's in heaven, hopefully watching over me. I also hope that my oldest sister who left this earth on her earthday is with her and doing better than she was down here. Born (and heaven sent) today, I sadly never had the opportunity to see her alive as Sickle Cell Anemia took her life the same day she was born. Hardening of the arteries took my mom years later. (sniffsniff)

I saw my Mom seemingly all my life as I was adopted at 6-9 months old by her close friend. Circumstances of this adoption left my birth mother a very down struck woman who saw her newborn go one direction and her, older, other 3 children go another. She, at 27 or so years young, sank and never really rose again to 60% much less 100. The support was zero to say the least. I only wish I would have been strong and old enough to understand that which I know now. Once you're adopted, the birth parent(s) are not supposed to have contact with you ever again. EVER. My birth mom could not let go and her being in the near vicinity did not make matters any easier. She gave everyone shear hell, I hear. Maybe the adoption was for the best but the pain sure isn't. Years later when someone told me "that's your Mom, not your Aunt"... my heart sank on many levels. Why is she now the Mom and not the Aunt I'd been seeing all these years? Why are kids teasing me about my Mother (parents, father) not wanting me? Why do I have a dying/dead sister? WHAT THE F??????????????????? Yeah, I found all of that out in ONE breathe. A long one but it was a hellavah long day afterwords.

Eleven years old, my world crashed even more than I knew it could. I attended a funeral of a sister I never saw alive. She looked eerily like me in her casket but yet... she didn't. She was dead and I was alive. WOAH!! And then there were brothers, older at that. HUH?? And then there was another Mother? And another sister, younger? HUH?? I felt faint and I don't know if all these years later I've ever recovered from the fall on the never ending floor. Councilors, no PSYCHIATRIST are not surgeons. They cannot relieve the pain forever but instead give you "alternatives" for "dealing" with life forward. Let me just say that pills are NOT an option in my world.

My growth from a child, a victim of multiple circumstances to a woman who's seen all she ever wants to see in the negative world is much stronger because of it. I can see a lot clearer as each year since, new information comes to light. Some good, some bad, some should never be put to light. Here nor there... I am so blessed to have had AN experience in life to have lived for and through. My Mother asked me to be strong and steadfast in my path through life until I left this earth. I don't know how strong nor steadfast I've been but I'm still on some sort of path you can believe that. Where the heck it's headed or leading me... only GOD knows. I know the One Above will not lead me astray!!



  1. What a touching testimony! God has blessed you and holds you in his arms daily! Thank you for sharing your story! One day, I will be brave enough to share mine! When you read mine you will smile and feel even more Blessed! Treasure your parents who are still here! They are God-sent! Be Blessed....

  2. Thank you Jervis!!

    What has helped Tluv is reading other people's life stories. It's so amazingly beautiful to know what people have survived compared to your own life. Like Tyler Perry's story and Katt's too.

  3. I was able to see where you were going by your title - referencing your "birth" mother.

    I have mentored kids in foster care - touched on that system a bit. Of course, I don't know the ins and outs - but there is the "person that raised me" and "person that birthed" me delineation.

    It must have taken you a lot of courage to write this.

    Sorry about your mother and sister...

  4. Well, it was because both of them were born so (March 2 & 4) and I get to get it all out once a year. It doesn't make it easier to deal with but it helps to get on in life with recognition of it.

    But I wrote some other very candid "Peaces" as well. Man, they helped me get through, I can only hope someone is helped as well. I use that word instead of pieces because I'm at "peace" in that part of life.

    Peace 1 and Peace 2

  5. Thank you for sharing Di. I put my arms around you and hug you tight. I want to say more but feel this is not the time nor the place. I think of my own dear heavenly mother and only sister and know that they too watch over me, but I cry all the same. Another time another place, another story..........

  6. Awwwwwwww Geenie. I actually read this the day you posted but wow, I'm just getting back to reply. What has strengthen me is that I know other people all over this globe have lived worse than myself. Some of their stories I know and most I will never know. Keeping that perspective has keep me from doing some crazy stuff and poisoning my body as I watch so many do who can't deal like I have managed to do. Thank you for placing that much up as it says to me, you are not alone in some sort of struggle no matter what you know nor what you don't.

    I had a few typos up there. Hope I straighten them out. OOOOPS!!


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