Heavenly Birthday Wishes To My Birth Mother & My Older Sister

I'm sending Birthday Wishes, March 2, upwards to My Mom who's in heaven, hopefully watching over me. I also hope that my oldest sister who left this earth on her earthday is with her and doing better than she was down here. Born (and heaven sent) today, I sadly never had the opportunity to see her alive as Sickle Cell Anemia took her life the same day she was born. Hardening of the arteries took my mom years later. (sniffsniff)

I saw my Mom seemingly all my life as I was adopted at 6-9 months old by her close friend. Circumstances of this adoption left my birth mother a very down struck woman who saw her newborn go one direction and her, older, other 3 children go another. She, at 27 or so years young, sank and never really rose again to 60% much less 100. The support was zero to say the least. I only wish I would have been strong and old enough to understand that which I know now. Once you're adopted, the birth parent(s) are not supposed to have contact with you ever again. EVER. My birth mom could not let go and her being in the near vicinity did not make matters any easier. She gave everyone shear hell, I hear. Maybe the adoption was for the best but the pain sure isn't. Years later when someone told me "that's your Mom, not your Aunt"... my heart sank on many levels. Why is she now the Mom and not the Aunt I'd been seeing all these years? Why are kids teasing me about my Mother (parents, father) not wanting me? Why do I have a dying/dead sister? WHAT THE F??????????????????? Yeah, I found all of that out in ONE breathe. A long one but it was a hellavah long day afterwords.

Eleven years old, my world crashed even more than I knew it could. I attended a funeral of a sister I never saw alive. She looked eerily like me in her casket but yet... she didn't. She was dead and I was alive. WOAH!! And then there were brothers, older at that. HUH?? And then there was another Mother? And another sister, younger? HUH?? I felt faint and I don't know if all these years later I've ever recovered from the fall on the never ending floor. Councilors, no PSYCHIATRIST are not surgeons. They cannot relieve the pain forever but instead give you "alternatives" for "dealing" with life forward. Let me just say that pills are NOT an option in my world.

My growth from a child, a victim of multiple circumstances to a woman who's seen all she ever wants to see in the negative world is much stronger because of it. I can see a lot clearer as each year since, new information comes to light. Some good, some bad, some should never be put to light. Here nor there... I am so blessed to have had AN experience in life to have lived for and through. My Mother asked me to be strong and steadfast in my path through life until I left this earth. I don't know how strong nor steadfast I've been but I'm still on some sort of path you can believe that. Where the heck it's headed or leading me... only GOD knows. I know the One Above will not lead me astray!!

BLESSINGS ALWAYS TO MY MOTHER FOR GIVING BIRTH TO ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!